Then RETARD! GAVE BIRTH TO AN UGLY BASTARD NAMED joey. JOEY WAS BORN WITH EVIL LASER NIPPLES AND KILLED THE PIG. Great now what are we going to eat for winter. Then they slaughtered joey and ate him for winter. Joey’s ghost haunted the pig’s corpse and the ghost pig grabbed a gun and shot RETARD in the toe
“Eeps!!...” RETARD exclaimed as the shotgun slug went straight through his epidermis. “Fuck you joey you bastard! I know you’re in that pig!” RETARD then went downstairs to grab his ProMince X1280+ Deluxe Home Edition from the basement and brought it up to mince up joey. “Fuck you RETARD you bastard! I know you’ll fail!” But joey was eventually minced by RETARD, but RETARD was only expected to live another 2 days after that incident. The meat from joey was hung on the wall on display while he waited for joey to possess something else.
Joey decided to pull a trick card and possessed RETARD’S dead wife Margarat the cow Joey busted through the door and tried to eat RETARD’S foot. RETARD kicked joey in his nards RETARD SAID “it is my time to reveal my true identiy I AM R.E.T.A.R.D REALLY EVIL TALL AND ROWDY DEATH-BOT RETARD FOR SHORT. He shot a laser out of his asshoe and killed joey’s ghost.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” joey said as he was released from margaret thatcher the cow. “You IMBECILE I WILL POSSESS SOMEONE AND INFLUENCE THEM TO SHIT ON YOU!!” Also since RETARD was mecha his life expectancy was now ∞. However 2 days later, teh day he was supposed to die, he instead got shit on! No way! RETARD malfunctioned and was forced to live his last hours fighting against his own dead son. With this in mind, instead of fighting, he jumped in water with his machine parts still on and died. But that was not all for RETARD.
100 years later…
RETARD’S body had been fossilized at the bottom of the lake, due to insane fish shit and he was plastered in it, Joey was now like a bajillion years old and went to a museum and saw the fossil of his dad and then he revived his dad. HEY RETARD YOUR ALIVE NOW He punched RETARD in the nose. RETARD yelled because he was under 100 years of fish shit and piss, I’ve gotta get a shower he said. He grabbed joey’s ghost body and ripped joey’s stomach open and bathed in his blood. Refreshing!!
Joey thought RETARD was being kinky. What the fuck! After the refresherous bath RETARD was squeaky clean. Joey then shot RETARD in the forehead so he could become a ghost like him. “What was that bath for then, retard?” “You're the retard, RETARD.” “Can’t even call me dad! Ugh retard!” RETARD banished joey from the shadow realm, and sentenced him to endless silence in the void where he could not think of anything. The only thing he would see would be the end of the world, seemingly right after he was banished. But back to RETARD. He was an ungrateful prick! Joey said “fuck you dad!” as he was banished. Then he got a concussion because margaret thatcher and the pig fell on him and he woke up with milk and shit all over his face. Damn .
This milk smells disgusting, but the shit smells like pineapples. He looked around the museum RETARD realised he was 100 years into the future. I need to get back to the present!!!! Or the past, or it was the present for me but now its the past because im in the future and what was present then is now past here. But since im from the past does that mean this is the future and the past is the present. He fell over because he was thinking too hard and a giant bird broke into the museum and stole the pig and ate margaret thatcher’s wig, the bird also stole 1 billion dollars worth of ancient horse shit.
Get that bird! RETARD yelled through a megaphone. “NO RETARD!” everyone said to RETARD. RETARD then transformed into REALLY EVIL TALL AND ROWDY DEATH-BOT and killed over 1 million civilians. It was a day that would live in infamy. Also the bird was one of those civilians. RETARD needed to piss though, so he went to a restroom and ejected MECHA PISS. MECHA PISS said hello to RETARD which he did not expect. Why his piss was alive was because RETARD also stood for REALLY ENDROCRINAL TRANSCENDENT ASSHOLES REDUCING DOPAMINE (basically means his glands would become sentient.) Over the next few days RETARD would have to live with his piss, sweat, and cum in the abandoned city of Fuckliar.
RETARD had built a 30 foot tall statue out of his piss sweat and cum. The statue came to life and started tap dancing on top of innocent bystanders, RETARD didnt give a shit. He dispensed a cup of coffee from his built in coffee machine and sat back and watched the people get squashed into a fine red mist. RETARD didnt realise since the coffee came out of his body it technically came from his glands which means he was drinking the souls of innocent coffee children. RETARD didnt care because he was too stupid to care, RETARD said, ive got a great idea. Then he painted his fingers green because he thought they looked like green beans. He ate one of his fingers because he mistook it for a green bean, WHAT A RETARD, RETARD REALLY IS
A RETARD. His fingers regenerated though due to his RADICAL EXTRA TUBULAR ASSHOLE REGENERATION DEVICES. It was meant for your asshole but RETARD used it on his fingers so it kinda stunk. It also had piss on the finger so you know what that means. Little did RETARD know he would be overthrown by his own body. But not now. He was sitting in a skyscraper that he carved out to fit in his height and was watching cat videos and browsing e621 with his shitty mouse that was the size of his pinkie finger. “I am so fucking done!!! But this website is great.” He said as he realized that no more images or videos would be submitted to either website due to him practically making humanity extinct.
e621 is BORRRING, said RETARD he then switched over to rule34 because he said “that shit got some nice swanky swag around here” He cried because he realised he was wasting his life looking at sonic inflation videos all day. RETARD stabbed his stomach with a plastic fork he found in his pocket, HEY YOU said a evil floating stop sign. Yeah you! Do you wanna get rich fast! I can help you! . You see those three guys over there, Yeah those guys. I want you to kill them in any way possible, ill pay you 50,000$ if you make it look like an accident. RETARD took the job and walked over to the three guys. He pulled a giant comically large plush doll of Punchy from animal crossing. The three guys died because punchy sucks.
CONDOM PRICES ARE UP 102845% PERCENT MECHA SIR, SO I THINK YOURE IN LUCK. said the stop sign who RETARD called Shitzler. HERE’S YOUR MOENY then he threw water on RETARD ANd that was the end of him… or WAS IT????????????
69 YEARS LATER…………LATER… ye a a
RETARD woke up to thousands of furries admiring his supposed statue. Wha t the fuck! RETARD said. RETARD was a RETARD and didn’t like furries. So he killed all of them in his vicinity with a single swipe! Oh no!
Sex with animals is a sin YOU DISGUSTING YIFFERS, RETARD was a RETARD and thought all furries were yiffers, RETARD’s body transformed into a Desert Eagle because RETARD also stood for RAUNCHY ELECTRIC TURGENT APPLE RELIANT DEAGLE HIS BODY WAS NOW A GUN!!! He kept shooting the furries down with his gun mouth, and everytime he ran out of ammo he had to eat an apple to reload, HENCE THE NAME RAUNCHY ELECTRIC TURGENT APPLE RELIANT DEAGLE
CALCULATORs built inside RETARD’s gun brain calculated the amount of damage he caused to the furry community. But then RETARD realized. He was alone. All that was left were the furries. He was alone. He was alone. But then Shitzler appeared and suckerpunched RETARD real hard, ow, he, is in pain. “What the heels are yo doing here”? “Running some errands… FOR YOU.. earlier was a test. I wanted to see if you could do what was right… you didnt! Get trolled! “ “ But what. I killed the furries , i thought you would liked that!” “My friend was a furry.”” PREPARE TO DIE! Said Shitzler.
MASS GENOCIDE IS punishable by federal law, siRTARD, Shitzler pulled a spoon out of his pocket. WATCH THIS, He bent the spoon RETARD shit himself because he was terrified he thought to himself “my lord, if someone can bend a piece of metal they must be strong” RETARD said Well uh, i bet you cant do this, He pulled out a pencil and broke it in half Shitzler goes “Phew not bad, but it cant top this!” He busted an apple against his head” RETARD was so scared that he couldnt move an inch, he was paralyzed with fear
BEES!!! Shitzler said as he withstood an entire swarm of them before eating them all. RETARD was traumatized and in shock but in a good way. Then Shitzler put on cat ears and fake tail and said nya all that shit. RETARD was even more paralyzed now. It takes more strength than an armless sign bending metal to say nya. Then shitzler grabbed a watch with HypnoSense X1280+ Deluxe Commercial Edition built in and hypnotized RETARD to un become a mecha and become RUDE ECCENTRIC TERRIFYING ANTHROPOMORPHIC RACCOON DUDE
DRESS NICELY, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO BURY YOU FOR YOUR FUNERAL TOMORROW RETARD bit shitzler with his racoon fangs and shitzler got rabies. Shitzler was allergic to rabies and immediately died, but his ghost possessed his dead body so he was living but also dead at the same time, makes sense right? Shitzler poked RETARD in the eyes ACK I CANNOT SEE FOR MY PEEPERS HAVE BEEN POKED. Shitzler laughed and then got hit by a truck, RETARD didnt know what happened so he stumbled around blindly trying to escape Shitzler
MENSTRUATION IS INEVITABLE, RETARd” said shitzler as he possessed a cat and turned into a catgirl. Suddenly RETAR D’s eyes were wide open. RETARD and shitzler would then go on to be known as cute furry couples for years to come, with their own movie,game, and series on it’s way. And that my friend is how RETARD’s story ends.
1000000000000000000000000000000000000 years later.
“What the fuck!” joey said as he looked at earth exploding Balls are bouncy, and grass grows, THE EARTH HAS EXPLODED and im still alive, im the only one left…. GRANDMA was tugged along as well. Oh no! I was banished to the void that’s what’s happening. Farting Is my only way to pass time in the void, There is nothing to do I cant even enjoy the farts because they dematerialize as soon as i create them CATBOYS reminded him that masturbation was a thing so he did that. He then lived life in pleasurable solidarity, until RETARD’s corpse with Shitzler taped to him hit him in the nuts, =the end
It had been 200 years since the earth exploded. RETARD and Shitzler’s corpses were still floating around in space tied together. RETARD and shitzler were madly in love with each other after 200 years of being trapped in the endless void of space, they eventually drifted out to mars and started a life on mars with five snot nosed kids, Poy, Piss, and, (one of the kids are named And) Troy, and Huey Louie
After being slammed in the nards by his own dad’s corpse joey decided to follow the two to whatever strange planet they were going to. Since joey was a ghost and earth was gone completely he could fast forward time. Joey found that RETARD and shitzler landed on Mars and were mysteriously revived. Joey then haunted an alien waiter and killed him, then proceeded to possess his body and sing j dilla songs. Never woo why ! you and me! Fuck a giant what! Pull up on a cracker bump lil p! Hey im a left wing hade SHUT UP said RETARD as he realized. Only joey would sing “I fucking hate morrissey” by his favorite rapper. RETARD weeped but then Shitzler kicked RETARD in the face. Ow said retard and gave shitzler rabies again. This time shitzler had gained immunity to the rabies after 200 years of being raccoon rabies free.
Injections of alien disease vaccines were being sent to everyone who lived on mars, including RETARD and his new family, after being vaccinated from the space diseases joey realised he didnt get vaccined and he got space herpes after banging a alien prostitute, joey had to stay in the hospital for seven weeks, and nobody sent him flowers or a get wall card because everyone hates joey
CHEESE CRACKERS!!!!!!!” joey screamed as he realized he was going insane from 200 years of isolation. He had to get revenge. But on who??? The prostitute. HE quit possessing the alien and revived him. Needless to say he was in shock and lament. He then possessed the prostitute and made her stick her head in a sawmill. At least he was able to experience what it was like being a girl. Oddly enough joey didnt find upskirts as cool after that. Which ruined EVERY possibility to watch his dad browse rule34.
Degenerate is my favorite insult said huey louie at the dinner table with his family, he called them all degenerates, RETARD said watch your mouth son! And punched huey louie in the nose, huey louie said punching is for degenerates, you degenerate!!, They killed huey louie and ate him for dinner, Huey louie’s ghost possessed a fork and stabbed shitzler in the ass with it
War was raged between the sons and Shitzler. Although shitzler was a stop sign and ditn have an ass he did find a way to attach some of his nerves to his fake tail meaning it hurt just as much. Huey louie found that very degenerative which was why shitzler decided to kill him. At the end of the day only the strangest son, And, survived. Joey and and became good friends and RETARD banished all the other sons to the shadow realm for them to wait until mars got destroyed. RETARD looked like a bigger and buffer version of the raccoon from guardians of the galaxy which shitzler thought was cool. Shitzler was dressed as an ordinary furry just with the abundance of a stop sign., Joey thought shitzler looked very cute and admitted to the entire family that he lost his virginity today. RETARD was not juddgemental and simply said son you are entering a new stage of your life where new things are opened up to you. But son i dont know mars law but i think prostitutes are illegal here. Fortunately condom prices have gone down . Shitzler looked a bit morbid after RETARD said that.
Furries didnt exist on mars, which made shitzler very sad, so he tried to call nasa and forgot that nasa didnt exist because the earth exploded, shitzler was very sad Then RETARD told shitzler not to worry because eventually furries will reign over marskinds and the entire solar system would be controlled by furries, shitzler was happy. And was not because he was anti furry, and was inherited his retardation from RETARD. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPY! Meal!!!11!!111
100 furries arrived on mars the next day. The family had no beds to RETARD agreed to be killed and skinned to become RaMBUNcTIOuSLY EGREGIOUS TROLLING AREA REMOVING DROWSINESS.
Joey revived him and And was even more unhappy. “Damn, your son and is more of a retard than you RETARD. He doesn like furries.” then Shitzler was hit with an axe by And. the last few minutes of his life were a blur , he could see And laughing at him and continuing to melee more and more furries until one who was in hiding was being chased by And because they wer ethe last one left. RETARD was crying really hard and he knew that the video game series of thet two could not continue. He did what he had to do and grabbed and by the throat, stomped his torso on the ground, and pulled his neck apart decapitating him. He would become an idol to the furry community after this but Shitzler was still dying and joey was in bed masturbating. RETARD could either get joey and ask him to help but risk Shitzler being axed by and’s ghost on the way back and having and axe joey or banish and to the shadow realm, a slow and arduous process that would have shitzler far beyond dead by the time he was finished. He asked shitzler what to do and shitzler blinked twice (for yes) at the latter. So he gave shitzler one final hug and kinda pet him but he was a stop sign so it felt weird. And then banished And. forever, until mars exploded. Shitzler was dead….
grief came over RETARD and he was extremely sad, he wanted to reverse time to save shitzler, then he had an idea. It was a crazy idea but he would do anything to save shitzler, RETARD was going to put his plan into action. He went back to the ruins of his home after it was destroyed by and. He took the fridge and turned it onto freezing mode. He put it ontop of a cliff and had sat inside of it and was the fridge fell off of a cliff. As he fell from the cliff inside of the drive he had frozen completely. And as soon as the fridge hit the ground it set him back in time seven hours, and he went to banish and before he slaughtered shitzler. He thawed himself and then he grabbed and by the throat and ripped his chest open with his bare hands and started eating his organs one by one until and’s corpse was as hollow as a log.
CREATION is a beautiful thing, RETARD.” Shitzler said as he realized all of his sons were either degenerates or villians, but it seemed that joey was changing for the better. “RETARD, i want to confess something to you.” “Yes shitzler?” “RETARD i really love you i think you are great and im sorry for almost killing you so many centuries ago. I want us to have a meaningful relationship.” “wow shitzler, i mean, My wife, she’s dead, and ive already had sex with you SIXTY times or something, and we’re already considered couples online, okay man, i love you too.” RETARD and shitzler were now husband and husband! THey got married shortly after. Joey was very happy and would look to his dad and stepdad for relationship advice afterward. :)
RETARD loved his husban shitzler, they loved each other so much they blogged about it on tumblr, and a bunch of anti furries stalked their account trying to get them banned (they sucked!) and died in a mysterious unrelated incident two days later. RETARD told shitzler that he had killed the anti furries, and shitzler kissed RETARD and then they made out for 60 years straight, as they were immortal and could live forever.
BIG ANUS THOUGH!!” Joey said as he occupied himself by looking at e621 and rule34 for 60 years straight. Eventually the novelty wore off and joey got tired of looking at furries and upskirts and shit. He was already tired of that shit long ago, and joey didnt like real life porn. So this was his only option. But it felt great! But talking about joey’s hentai addiction is weird but you have to understand that joey doesnt have any friends or games or a even a mom to cook with so he’s been forced to either shoot lazers from his nipples or look at hot stuff online. I don’t know why the first half of the paragraph is entirely focused on joey doing his own thing in his room, but what else is there to say? I have to watch this shit all the time. I really want to talk in first person to you the reader because I’m fucking pissed off. I, the narrator, am Poy, one of RETARD’s sons he banished. For only 20 years of my life I was allowed to live until huey and And ruined it for me. Why did i do this to myself? Well considering how i control this universe I decided to write it out that i die, because i’m masochistic as fuck and don’t give a shit about anything, but now i sincerely regret it. I’m writing this because I know I will when this does actually take place when I am born, but for now i just have to live a shitty life in my room. I wish my parents let me do what joey does because otherwise this shit wouldnt be happening to me. But i know you dont wanna hear about me. You wanna hear about RETARD! Youre lame of this shitty monologue i wrote out and wasted almost an entire chapter on because im sad and depressed! I know! And personally Im glad i ruined your reading session. You, listener, the one your friend is reading this to, I KNOW YOU HEAR ME, hoylecake and nordict wrote me into this world to live a boring, sad, and depressing life, writing about my own sexual fantasies in a book worth dogshit. I hate everything! But i do love stop signs. So this will do. Ugh im rambling again…. Maybe i can convince hoylecake and nordict to erase me from this world. Switch things up, different narrator perhaps, so I can escape this hellhole. I’m tired of this shit! I really am! But who else is there to narrate? I have no idea. There’s no one around me to help or support me. I am alone, forcing myself to die and then regret it, writing my life into a lie, dictating everything i say in a loop of words and paragraphs, forced to condone to the two-word rule. I need to finish this book as soon as possible before they replace me.
Joey walked off of the edge of a cliff because he was bored, and everytime he hit the ground he teleported back to the top and did it again, He felt no pain anymore and had nothing to do but to waste his eternal immortal life away by watching universe after universe begin and end over the course of billions of eons, he felt no sorrow nor grief for he was desensitised of the silly things such as human emotions and conceptions. The mere conception of time became just another silly thought to him as he was older than time itself.
RETARD looked down at joey in resentfulness. “Dad why must you subject me to this. Ive learned so much shit because of you killing, eating, and banishing me that shit barely even matters to me anymore. I want to become one with the universe because what was once fun is now boring, no one can interact with me, and my ways always get the best of me. Banish me again dad. It’s fun, i like the pain dad.” RETARD was silent. Shitzler walked in and killed the mood, “what’s up dude!” RETARD glanced at shitzler and nudged at him to like shut the fuck up but when he looked back at where joey should have been he was gone. He looked around, in every nook and cranny, going as far as to traverse all of mars in the course of many months and years, but joey wasn’t there. By the time RETARD and shitzler completed the trip RETARD was already fatigued and shitzler was near death. They both lie down and watched the sun go down...and up...and down...waiting to die but never having the sweet relief of death come to them, no one around them, it was all over yet somehow they still had to endure eternal suffering. They were immortal, yet they wanted to die.
Okay!! Now that that story is patched up why don’t you find something better to do! I’m already sick of my shit and want to stop writing this, so why not just stop. What’s that, you want me to continue this? Make it a happier ending? Oh shit, youre right it’s only been two chapters. Well, i suppose...but i won’t be doing this for long.
RETARD heard a voice behind him. Poy was complaining about how there are only 24 hours in a day instead of 50 hours because the longer the day the more time he gets to spend doing stupid shit like browsing cat videos and arguing on 4chan, RETARD told poy to shut up because he was busy, and poy tried to stab RETARD in the leg, but RETARD shot poy in the nuts and poy dragged himself away, he was injured but not killed poy made a vow to get revenge on RETARD, but RETARD would always win the battle between the two
JOEY WAS watching from a distance, and noticed Poy’s suffering. He raced over to Poy, and shanked hi
Hi i’m your new narrator. Back in high school i was called thin skinned. Anyways back to the story. RETARD noticed that joey killed poy, essentially creating a paradox. I haven’t been informed on who Poy is yet, so i’m guessing he’s one of the mars aliens. Note here says that JOEY shoots POY. So that’s what happens. It’s hard as shit to read cuz it’s covered in blood so I think i’ll have to improvise the rest of the story. RETARD was all like “Aw man joey what did I tell you about killing people?” “Sorry dad but you like, shot him in the balls.” “Son can you do me a favor and banish him.” Joey glanced over to Poy and thought. He decided to but a barrier around him, something only previously banished spirits could do. Now poy was immune to being banished. Needless to say joey was put in timeout for 16 weeks following the incident.
Shitzler’s cat mary, was not really a cat more so a 15 ton, nine foot tall half lion half tiger, it could eat an entire village in a day. The worst part was that it shat a lot and usually shat all over the couch, Mary was a gaurd pet and would guard the house when shitzler and RETARD were away, while mary was gaurding the house she got bored and decided to watch some TV even though shes a lion and isnt supposed to watch TV because lions dont do that stuff, i mean come on. Dogs dont watch TV, Cats dont watch TV, hell even PIGS dont want TV. But whatever i guess giant lions can.
MARY ATE OFF PART OF SHITZLER’S CAT EARS, what a RETARD. Earlier shitzler had actually attached nerve endings to this artificial cat ears and tail because he thought it added cool realism and let him actually move the two things around, huh, interesting. Joey tried to follow shitzler’s instructions and do a diy but forgot that he has no material body and thus cannot feel or place things on top of him. As a punishment for his actions though, RETARD made joey a human again, albeit an immortal one and forced him to shoot himself multiple times. Joey was fine with this, he was able to revive himself and felt no pain at all so it felt convoluted to him.
MARY ADMIRED shitzler, She thought that shitzler was so brave and strong. Mary was jealous that RETARD got to spend so much time with shitzler. Shitzler knew that mary admired him, So shitzler was very kind to mary, even giving her half of a cow for breakfast every morning. Where did they get the cows if they were on mars you might ask? Simple, its from all of the cow abductions that the martians do, They killed the native martians and took the cows for themselves. RETARD loved cows because the meat tasted delicious and the milk was alright.
MARY ATTACKED MARGARET THATCHER, RETARD’s cow, and RETARD saved it but not before sobbing about his dead wife who was also named margaret thatcher and was a cow.Joey was bored because he was forced to live in a human body without possessing anything. Until he found RETARD’s Ghostify X1280+ Deluxe Shit Edition in the basement, which he used on himself. He then beat the shit out of shitzler and possessed him. He couldnt kill him so he had to just knock him out meaning he was on a time limit here. He knew what he had to do in shitzler’s body.
SHITZLER REMOVED his torn cat ears from his body, it hurt him but he replaced them with new ones and fixed the damage nerves inside of them. RETARD thought that shitzler was a hottie. And they probably banged after this i dont know i dont wanna go into detail. Mary was outside killing alien birds that lived on mars because she was hungry. Nobody had fed her that day simply because she usually feeds herself, but got lazy and didnt want to go out and hunt. RETARD watched mary kill alien birds and thought to himself. What do alien birds taste like, so he went outside and ate an alien bird alive. And he vomited because alien birds taste like pure shite
RETARD WAS strutting along with shitzler’s hands in his and having a good honeymoon (which wasnt really a thing now that the moon had completely imploded), until RETARD picked up a peculiar note in the ground written in strange handwriting. It read, “I’ve resorted to trapping myself in pieces of paper in order to convince myself to shut up, yet not even that is working, I still force myself to do annoying and undesirable things every day. It’s a relentless cycle and I’m absolutely fucking tired of it. My existence is meaningless, I am only half meaningful, my glass is half empty, I have found the horizon.” (note from your new narrator: “poy” who i assume is the previous narrator has given me a handful of notes he has begged for me to put in the story, i cant read them nor understand them but have been trying my best to put them in the story right now, but im not sure if it’s working, i cant look back on them as they keep changing. Who ppoy was i dont know but im certainly wondering where he is right now,) Shitzler was excited as soon as RETARD read the entire note to him. Wow RETARD, you really decided to invite me???? You are so nice, wow thanks so much, but why do you look so upset? Shitzler said as RETARD had the sudden realization come to him, all was n
SHITZLER DRESSED like a slutty french maid to try and make RETARD make out with him, and probably do a little more than that. They were madly in love with each other and nothing could separate them for they were the only two left on mars apart from mary and the alien birds. Shitzler and RETARD spent the whole night making out and watching movies, which sounds pretty boring if you ask me, but ive never held a relationship past a year ;-; ANYWAYS they watched back to the future 1, 2, and 3 and binged some anime, mary also shat on the couch while they were making out and shitzler vomited into RETARDS mouth because the smell was awful. RETARD was grossed out and ran to the bathroom to take a shower, when he got into the shower he realised that there wasnt a shower but he was standing in the toilet and he frustratedly walked back into the living room and sat on the couch holding shitzler’s hand while watching the movie
RETARD KISSED RETARD in the mirror the next day, his second kiss with someone new. Meanwhile joey wwas in another room with poy because shitzler woke up. Joey could tell that poy was upset so he tried his best to comfort him while he heard shitzler’s compliments from the room adjacent to theirs. Poy i want to know what, is troubling you said joey. “It isn’t something you would understand joey. But thanks for saving my life.” “I think ill be able to understand.” “Do you feel meaning in the universe?” “Of course not, nothing matters to me anymore, i have ascended far beyond that of human nature.” “I am just like you joey yet my tale is much much worse. What would it be like if you were the writer of a story in which you died?” “That would be crazy. By the way poy one more thing.” “Yes, what is it?” “Where are you right now?” “What are you talking about, im right next to you.” “Yes but i mean on earth.” “Earth exploded last time I checked.” Yes but poy i want to know where did you go. Why did you disappear so suddenly, i thought you died. No i didnt. This cant be you , it has to be you, youre trying to take advantage of the story youre taking control of you pry information out of you arent you? No of courseim not “im still joey sir , im just being me “ first of all dont call me sir, and i dont believe you one bit im removing myself from this world wait!! Im sure joey would benefit from you more not if you keep trying to pry information out of me over and over again. Please stay regardless. THe movie RETARD and shitzler were watching reached it’s end but joey came out next to poy with no poy in sight stop trying to write me back in this story you creepy fuck, (IM NOT A creepy fuck i want to help you. Please bare withh me poy, i know something is troubling you.) Im not trusting you for shit. Just give me a chance. Joey walked out with poy next to him and RETARD said “i thought i told you to never let me see him again.” “sorry dad but i think, he needs to stay just a little longer.” Thanks thanks.
THE MOVIE theater was on fire, and shitzler and RETARD were upset as they watched it burn down on news. Because that movie theater is where they had their first date together it was really special to them, RETARD shed a tear, SHITZLER was bawling and leaning against RETARD’S shoulders, he was really distraught. Mary busted through the door and ran upstairs and shat on RETARD’S bed and ripped up all of his clothes, because mary hates RETARD, SHITZLER smacked MARY because mary was being a bad kitty. MARY had to sleep outside that night
MARY WAS plotting something. SOMETHING SINISTER. The very next day mary would walk into the room where RETARD and shitzler were sleeping on the couch and TAKE RETARD and carry him in his teeth walk up to his room and secretly eat him. When shitzler awoke to trails of blood and no sign of RETARD he became very worried. He walked up to RETARD’s room where he saw mary lying in a pool of blood and shit, with retard still nowhere to be found. Shitzler knew what happened, so he immediately lied down and wept for hours upon hours, days on end. But RETARD was still alive, begging for shitzler to hear him. He was in mary’s stomach and it was all disgusting and was about to be digested. He needed someone to save him. Joey heard the noise and told poy that he would be right back because he really cared for poy and wanted to help him feel better and not be as depressed as he was oh SHUT UP, i know you want to help me feel better but im not letting you pry information from me right now. Ok sorry dude. Joey walked into the room and rescued RETARD from mary. As soon as shitzler saw RETARD they hugged each other real hard and the two were so happy to be together again and alive. They went downstairs and leaned up to each other and watched television and movies. Shitzler and RETARD were so happy together.
OUTSIDE THERE was two ufos parked of their house, and two space aliens came out, they walked up to the door and knocked on it. Mary ate them alive for intruding and shitzler and retard stole their ufos and drove to neptune. Once they got to neptune they had a dinner date at a mcdonalds (Yes neptune has mcdonalds) They drove back to mars and rested for the rest of the day, Mary puked the alien blood all over the floor and shitzler had to clean it up because retard fell asleep as soon as they got home
SHITZLER SAID “Damn mary, youre so fucking retarded but so reliable. It’s nice to have another feline around here.” Meanwhile, me, the narrator, had been getting some BOLD INK for this MYSTERIOUS “POY” USER to write with. Here, try it out!! But please don’t waste it all. Do you want me to write to you with this? No, I just think it’s more convenient for the readers. Previous conversations seemed like a jumbled mess. Definitely hard to follow. Also, bold is really eye catching! First thing you’re going to notice when you scroll down is our conversation. So by doing this you’re basically trying to convince me to give you even more information while you show this to the masses? ...yes. But they’re in a completely different universe! Multiverse, even!!! Do you happen to know about Hoylecake and Nordict? I don’t know who Nordict is. Who are they? Their name sounds interesting. You know this Hoylecake character? Yeah, he hired me. You know Nordict? If so please educate me. He is REALLY hot. But also kind of judgemental of my writing. Still hot thou. For someone who seems so depressed you seem really happy about this guy… why don’t you just date him? He’s in a completely different universe, retard! Right!!! Right. You’re focusing too much of this chapter on us chatting. I’d rather have you talk about Mary shitting everywhere than me. Okay… The next morning RETARD awoke to Joey at the door, clearly horrified. RETARD was confused, his son was immortal and had no perception of time or pain itself, he was effectively emotionless, a brick wall. If Joey looked like this, something was very clearly wrong. “W-what is it, joey??” “I think MARY ate POY.” You motherfucker!
SHITZLER SHRUGGED, I guess since i always wear a maid outfit its logical for me to clean the messes up. But i wish retard would clean some too. RETARD was pissing in a plant’s pot in the bathroom because he forgot that toilets exised. SHITZLER didnt care that RETARD acted how he did, Because shitzler loved RETARD for who he is, Not what he does. RETARD came downstairs and sat on the couch, SHITZLER SAT next to him and wrapped his arm around RETARD. RETARD blushed because hes got the hots for shitzler. They watched a movie together before falling asleep on the couch
PINEAPPLE PIZZA was delivered to RETARD’s doorstop. He was very happy. Shitzler was not a fan of the pizza but did not judge. Oh shit wait did I actually kill Poy?? Poy, are you there????? Well considering as im the narrator of this story I think i’ll have to bring him back in some way, but make it convincing…
Joey was sitting in the room he made for Poy, clearly very said, oh man what can I do to save him???? He didn’t want to see the innards of Mary so he hired a professional human food remover. He got poy out, yay! Poy was probably sobbing, and so afterwards jeoy carried poy to his room and they talked a bit about interesting shit, blah blah, blah. Blah, it’s blah. Why’d you have to bring me back? I wanted to diBut then, when RETARD was walking downstairs, he noticed Shitzler was gone. He looked everywhere but still couldn’t find him. He yelled but no response. He went outside and noticed some shady looking guys. He asked if they had seen shitzler, and then a black bag was thrown around him and he was taken away. The next thing he knew, he was in a silver room, definitely pretty fancy for a place such as this one eh? RETARD spied shitzler from a one way window and tried yelling at shitzler, are you There??? Shitzler couldnt see because it was one way and couldnt hear because of the sound barrier. So no matter what RETARD tried he couldnt contact shitzler! To his right was another one way mirror, except he was on the invisible side. A man started walking through the hallway and into RETARD’s room, he said, “oi mate, welcome to your REHABILITATION. We put stupid retards such as youself in here, dont we mate, ol sporkey, will do the job quickly mate, ehyehehehe,, basicaly what im fockin sayin right here mate, is that we either kill you, or make you human again mate, pre’y simple business mate, see you soon mate!” RETARD was not very pleased. But he knew the man respected him more than he respected Shitzler because as soon as they walked in on shitzler they started yelling. I guess being a buff raccoon had it’s benefits. Shitzler and RETARD knew what was going to happen to each other and so they started to try to call to each other.
STANLEY, AN interrogator walked into the room that RETARD was in, STANLEY turned the heater on and tried to make RETARD uncomfortable, RETARD wasnt intimidated by STANLEY. RETARD said, you’re pulling these tricks trying to make me snap and tell you what to hear, aint that right. He glanced at stanley’s nametag, STANLEY!! Stanley was in shock, He was insulted by the way retard had spoke to him, ILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IM MORE THAN WHAT YOU MAKE ME OUT TO BE, stanley shouted. RETARD was not convinced, STANLEY was a grizzeled 70 year old weak hunch backed grandpa, He was not scary. He shouted at RETARD I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHERE YOU WERE ON THE DAY OF POY’S DISAPPEARANCE,
I AINT TELLING YOU NOTHING RETARD snapped back at STANLEY
Stanley turned away from RETARD. “That… creature on the right… “ He pointed to shitzler’s room. “That is your husband, yes?” “Yes...why do you ask?” “Ehyehehehe… I want to let you know that the immortality field is turned off in here.” “YOU SICK BASTARD! You won’t get information from me ever again!” And before he could finish what he was saying the door shut, and what RETARD feared would happen was fast approaching. For so long, there was complete silence, as he tried to find a way to prevent the inevitable but to no avail, then, from the room to his right, two ear numbing popping sounds in synchronicity, then complete silence. RETARD sat their for a moment, scared to see one of two things. A blac mirror, meaning the individual next to him died, meaning he would be next, or shitzler. RETARD would die for shitzler. Soon stanley walked in. I want you to see something. “No, no i know what you did to him”. “Him? Who is this him? Oh right, your husband. Dont worry about it, it was someone else, i just want to show you someone. It’s poy.” Poy. my son? I thought i killed him. It’s much more complicated then you think. (dammn, ok , youre finally getting in the lee way of writing a story. what can i say. It’s what i do.) and as stanley detained RETARD and carried him to where poy supposedly was, RETARD saw through an open door the bloodied corpse of a stop sign, with all of it’s ears ripped off. He stopped in his tracks for a moment before being tugged along. Where was joey to revive everyone? Where was mary to eat all the guys up? They were nowhere, yet they were everywhere, when he needed them the least they were there, yet when they need them the most they were not. It’s as if they completely neglected them knowing the true selfish desires of true humanity underneath. They tried to comply with it yet simply could not and had to become different forms of themselves, and although exaggerated RETARD strongly believed that his son and pet were not at all what he believe them to be, they were simply there to keep RETARD company, and to betray them when he needed them the most, as that is the natural flow of life. We all live and die, we all have help but it is never there when we need it, all attempts at help are meant to take something from you, and we are all alone in this world. RETARD. In a world without anyone who ever meant anything to him. In a world where all was dark and hopeless, where death was imminent, and where ti seemed that everyone around him was a terrible person and wanted him to die. And in that moment, RETARD felt bliss.
STANLEY WALKED down the empty corridor pacing back and forth, he knew that his crew just murdered an innocent man’s husband. He couldnt bare the weight of the guilt, but he had to For it was his job to slaughter people like RETARD and SHITZLER. STANLEY felt awful for his actions and it haunted him every night, he couldnt stop thinking about the countless amounts of innocent deaths caused by him and his crew, STANLEY felt terrible for his actions. Knowing that he was going to have to bare the guilt of his actions and eventually he would be punished for them as well
GREAT SORROW came over joey when he heard that his step dad was killed. It was the only time he really ever felt pain. Joey wouldn’t see RETARD for most of the day. He assumed RETARD was just crying himself to sleep but he was doing something much more deserved. He infiltrated the area were Stanley was.
Stanley, a man dressed in formal attire with terrible posture and bad age sat down at the cafeteria of his work, with all the windows of the people he captured and interrogated obscured from his view. Stanley was paid very well. HE couldn’t just quit the job though, because every other job would pay like shit. As stanley bit into his sandwich again he was suddenly transported to the back of a van seemingly out of nowhere. His hands were tied to his back and the car doors were locked. “Who is this and what are you doing to me!!!!!” “I am simply getting revenge, stanley.” “WHO ar YOU?!?!” “I was called thick skinned in high school stanley.”” Stanley glanced over, and saw RETARD driving straight into the building in which Shitzler was killed.
They crashed, the roof fell down, people started screaming, and then pitch black.
6 years later…
AFTER JOEY’s DAD had died in that car accident six years ago, Joey no longer felt happiness or joy. He felt no remorse for his actions because he had lost everything that he ever had. He began to resent the human race and everything they had ever done. He wanted to end all life that had ever existed. But he didnt know how. So he sat there in an eternal void doing nothing. And after millions and millions of years he eventually stopped breathing, and stopped thinking. He stopped existing all together and gotten what he wished for so many years ago, To no longer be alive. He wasnt dead, but he wasnt alive. He had simply stopped existing
MARY WAS HEARTBROKEN, the entire family had fallen apart, now she had nowhere to go and no couches to shit on. Mars was a very different place without the family around. Mary would eventually leave the house and never return until the day she died. Poy would sit in the dark room of his and lament over all everyone had ben through, only for it to go to waste. At least RETARD and Shitzler were happy now, where ever they were, singing shit and flying around. At least.
And that is how RETARD’s story ends. No more RETARD, and now that i’m finished, I think that means I’m ready. Ready?? Ready for what? It’s gonna happen.
Once upon a time RETARD gave birth to an ugly baby with lazer nipples named Joey. Joey immediately killed the pig as soon as they were born. And just like that RETARD was changed forever. RETARD was now, INTELLiGENT. And that is the story of RETARD and Shitzler. Goodbye folks! (are you not going to tell us more about you or??? No,my time is up, i wish i could but it seems i’ll have to relive what i had written down previously. No, I don’t want you to go this soon, just continue the story! I want more answers from you! Just follow what I told you. All the answers are in there. I can’t hleap but feel the grip on the ink oen i sgettign l,oosoer ybbe ach second andda as im released inato a nother woptrld of which i have imspsoed dread and death upon myself, i prepared fdo rthis for amongtsh tyet ai a mst ti l nnot y ready,..... Yet it still lfeele s no novela nd refreshing….celarly i wa meant for this…. ..Goodbye joey.