VENT has been discontinued in favor of LOGS. thank you for reading my incompetent ramblings.

this is really happening

and by that i mean the venting is really happening (i know you love hearing me complain)

please dont ask "are you ok?" im just tryna to speak out about really hard to deal with issues im having and it comes out weird. trust me

i am sick and tiredof this influencing by the amazing band radiohead i love their music but i have succumbed to new depths to theorr awesome and amazing music making me reach new heights and levels of stupidity. and to be honest its quite tiring how everything i do has to be related to them in some way its not very good and id liek to be original but every singelw ork aof at every single ccomposion every single musicc sheet and song i bmake it has to be because of thses lvelloy lads from aborad a place of which i have not knmow . n. it is quite dishearenetning to say the least but i am at least glad i get to listen ot eir great music and copy thom york'es supid lunatic state of conciouss sns ssnes sss writing i am not looking at my screen right now i am just yelling at the screen.

insanity as representended by writing is something i do not wis hto ta ake partake in it is ereally weird and i am just wiriting like this a temoporoary form of venting i feel it is much easier than eassays a nd thesiss es about how much my life sucks when im in a doom and gloom sateae when really things get better. however i am ina constant cycle of sadness and a lot of overwlemeeemening and it is because i am unsure and overwhelmed by alkll these things that some are ones htat i can not describe ... its funny really how the mind works. . enver able to explain but always able to not work and be insane (rhymeing is th not intended also i notcve the spelling errpor i can spell right shut your mouth.) i want to write fast and live long as i am writing this i want the screen and it's fellow audience members it's viewers to be understanding of my log my blog my soon tho be old blog my daily writing and sometime secondly writings on the neocities update screen i want tit ot be seen amongst all the special followings people have partaken in on this lovely commounity. i hate writing lonmg paragraphs so i let my keyboard decide i rip it's bacjspace key until it bleeds i remove the ctrl z combination from my settings until i have achieved peace and solitude free from anyon ee to judge me hearing sounds hearing people pass im not a turtured soul i am a happy kid a happpy young man enjoying his life we all have sad moments and i am having one right now., continous cycle of solitude and ovewehemed as i am feeling unseasy and unsure along with feelings over whelemed and overwhelment. it is sad honeslyty and i wat it to end but i am reli i have come to teh realiziation that it will and it probably has. next update umm hmmmm soon.
9/22/2020 7:02:12

i just wannt to go ahead and put this out to the bpublic the post above is not sacrcastic. i am doing online school whihc really sucks but i know i will be hapy soon enough. if i were to talk not as lazily as this providing you information straight from my min no hesitation enevee eeven if its sucks if my gingers mess up DONT try AGAIN. just let the keys take control the screeen the slave just kidding!!!!!!! writing like this is a good way to let myself free nO unDOSES i am always writing never stoopping like my ability to speak constantly without pauses until my breath runds out simething i showed to my elementary school friends a lot it ais just something coming form my mind projected to my mouth (and in this case my fingers) at light speed as i occasionally look up at the screen to catch my silly writing ans spelling answers and marvel at how no one is ever going to read thiese and thats okay the purpose. of venting is not for it to be read by many but to be read by one for one to undersatand however although this mental aplace this ahangout for the mental soluutidue peace and happiness snott t t ttis very welcoming but noit intentional i made this because i made ok computer album art red style not as good but tahts ok because i like it and i am prpoud of my newfound skills of random blending modes . i have made a chiller blue version but i got the soruceas from windows xp my online school canvas (instrucutre) study guide for science i lkove old pagies copeied from printers they look old and i want to look uat them a trillion hours and marvel at how i can turn this into something special something beyong belief beyond comprehension. no not an eldritch abomination something more .i humor i luahg iand i cry but it is importantta to know that not everything i say on the internet is true i am not always sad i am notdpressed im not saying this arcastic and you HAVE TO BELIEVE ME. i am very happy with all these happy littl accidents occuren ac coccuring toward me and my fammly they all go away and they will in the far or near future. i am happy with everyone around my my discord friends so dont get tjhe wrongidea. write like this. py no attention to the screen n pay barely any attention to your surrouroundings and pay atenn attention to your moind and the flow of thoughts coming from it. switvhing constansly. constantly. constanylt . it neve r stops able to handle more than once slaving away doing the best things you pay i your mind for it is your mind ypur maind is really amazing like that so just let it to its sjob but a little faster now. a little more paniced. but youre panickedm not your brain, your fingers are panacking as they type with no hesitation constant flow constant flow constantly flow of THOUGHTS THOUGHTS FEARRS CDREAMS IDEAS coming from your head type type. type faster now FASTER PLEASE!!!!!!! YOU HAVE MADE A BEAUTIUFL WRITING ONE that makes you look weird but everyone knows ou enjoy these happy loitttle accidentss which you are not aware of unitl yourneck turns up rotates across the 3 dimensional axis to look at your typos and spelling errors and youre like "man, thats some good stuff. maybe now poepoe will undersatnd without me having to write an eassay or some shtinaedkipfeg-dp[;c (please keep it freidnly family.) people will love it people will be creeped up but you must tell in them in face to face (covid limiation though might prevent that from happening) or in the realm of discord dms thell them youre happy and hey will undersatsnd that this is just a niche a schtick a gag just another thing youre temporarily doig before going back to normal writing again. as it should be. enjoy it while it lasts, like is too short, you are still young, or old, just enjoy it before it ends, i love you, keep it up friend(s why is that in parentheses ah it's a last-minute decision i see).
9/22/2020 7:15:46

i have a living nightmare for you just look at the clouds and the sky above and see what you have done its atrocious its abominable you sick human beieng you have poisoned our planet we are going to have something terrible happen to us. where is the oil why have you hidden it we need to find more to power more corruption and pollution the OIL is what we need it is the basic necessity. anything not related to thus MATERIAL is useless and worthless and only worthy of some citizen's mind. looking 24/7 yes fixed dont look back dont listen just look down to the point where your neck is almost to snap you just dont do anything you forget how this is a tragedy we're living in people wearing masks people passing by people not passing by theyre afraid of you. and youre afraid of them. you dont want to get caught with it the virus they will find out and you will be placed in your house with nothing to do but listen and wait for this whole thing to end while you slave away on your phone doing meaningless things you are having no meaning in this life let it be over FIND THE VACCINE it will all be over in enough no politics. just despair.
9/23/2020 7:20:14

this one kid walks the other little kids around town and theyre having a little jolly old time until some horrifiying monster, this horrifiying absolutely terrifying monstrosity appears right before theiir eyes and they do not know what is happening and what is in front of them for what they are looking at is that of which they have not known. soon however the tables will turn. the kids will be the monster and the kids will be of which they have known previously and for years to come. it is the revolution of scientific studies that reveal that that of which the kids have not known is actually something the scientists have not which they have not known. the world has been a mystery. it is that of which the kids do that not know. they walk out of town.
9/24/2020 12:56:43

it has begun to become night. fear. you come outside to only find a tree standing before you. the tree grows until it kills you from suffocation, you are stuck inside the tree, it has begun to consume you, you are scared. it is winter time and all the kids our outside having a great time while your lungs are bloody and the tree is growing very fast. this single tree. never again wil you accept nighttime as jolly. never again will there ever be a winter. stay inside and dont respect the tree and respect it's manners. you will be killed by the tree if you do not follow this simple rule. - some philosopher. my mouth is shut what do i say? i am at the brink of speaking until my mouth comes off of my face it just pop disappears just like that. in a state of utter confusion i scream but i cannot. my mouth is not there. now i must live without one. nonetheless i am having a lot of difficulty. a man comes to my house and asks for assistance i cannot tell him anything yet i came there in this presence i am afraid of everything around me. the images of which i have seen must correlate to this in same way. it is disgusting how paranoid i get to this when it is happening. i look up and see nothing. a void of hopelessness and fear as i try to regain my mouth and regain the courage to use it but i can not. i am sitting there. the mail man is awkawrded out by this strange awful gesture. but he does not know that iam in a state of utter confusion. how do i explain the nuke in my head how do i explain the horn on the ground he wont understand for it is far too complex so i distance myself. but my mouth grows baclk. i have no choice to run away but from whom? from myself. in a mindless conscious loop of nothingness all day every day nothing can be explained i am here at this present moment looking outside writing typing very fast about the current situation when it is what the kids when they did not see it? i am going to exist and coexist with myself until i figure a way to talk. then i will stop. whom of what is existing will be the sadness inside me but the answer is not always "yes". it cannot always be talked about spoken about even if you dump the brain on your keyboard it is still physically impossbile no ONe to explain with just words alone. you have to communicate but i cant send a signal from the brain of an image. id have to be some sot of psychologist. unfortunately im not but whatever. sometimes you just have to live with it. although the horns on the ground are very annoying they hurt more than stepping on legos.
9/25/2020 10:24:44

watch what im gonna do im gonna throw at you a POSITIVE VENT thats right these kids are no longer sad at the fact that i am no longer willing to use a mouth FORTUNATELY the horns on the ground have gone away i just had to use ... uh... horn bug spray on them so now my feet no longer hurt. in the other side some dudes have and OH AND THE GALS cant forget the gals. and the transgenders. they were kinding enough to be on the internet and to exist. which is LIT. so i have followed a select few. well. alot of them . but now some have taken notice and have added my little 88x31 button to their corner of the website. infinite gratitude to these dudes!!! SAME THING EVERY DAY SOMETIMES SWITCH TASK SAME THING NO NO STOP DOING THAT NO I CANT MOVE YOUR HANDS NO I CANT TRY TO I CANT NO I CANT YOU MUST NO I CA T WHAT IF YOUR LIFE DEEPENDS ON IT?? MAYBE.. BUT NO I CANT. NO. NO. NO. TRY TO FLY. FLY THEN FALL. IT SHOULDNT HURt. BUT NO. SHUT UP. IM NOT GOING TO FLY jUST TO WASTE IT. IM GOING TO THRIVE. BUT I HAVE TO RELY ON MYSELF FOR ANYTHING BUT MYSELF. I NEED TO sOAR TO THE SKIES AND REGAIN MY WINDS,. WHO NEEDS TO SPEAK JUST LOOK. LOOK AT THEM WITH DISCONCERTING EYES AND DONT ASK THEM ANYTHING,. GIVE THEM THE LOOK THAT SAYS "WHY ARE YOU HERE?" RUN AWAY FROM THEM MENTALLY. MENTALLY. ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. NOTHING AT THIS MOMENT IS REAL. YOU ARE HALLUCiNATING. ITS OKAY. YOURE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS BUT THATS OKAY. THIS VOICE INsTEAD OF MY HEAD ISNT REAL. IM juST TALKING TO MYSELf. OF COURSE i AM. TRYING TO HELP . AND IT WORKS. FOR A SHORT WHILE. UNTIL I SEEE THE FACE OF SOMEONE I KNOW. THEY LOOK AT ME AND THEY SAW HOW ARE YOU? AND I SAY GOOD. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED TODAY. I AM DEFINITELY FINE. UNTIL THE NEXT dAY. CONFUSION, NOTHING IS GOING WRONG OR RIGHT riGHT NOW buT I IMAGINE SOMETHINGS GOING TO hAPPEN, UNTIL SOMNEone or SOMETHINTGG CATchES MY EYE I CALL IT THE CALL OF THE WILD. IT TALEELS ME TO TELL EVERYONE ALL OF EVERYTHING JUST SO THEY CAN UDNERSTAND BUT WHY? WHY DO i hAVE TO DO THIS? WHY ? WHY FRIEND? YOURE MY BST FRIEND. I DONT SEE WHY. he just tells me that im not alone. i beleive him but i cant find anytjone who feels the same way. there are 7 billion people in the world but............i just cant find one that has the same problems with me. i need to go somewhere else for a while.
9/26/2020 11:13:44

the strongest words require strange consciousness. look in your brain for a moment and marvel at how pink it is. what if it was red? huh??? what if your brain was red? whois laughing now. yours is red. i can tell because i have amazing x ray vision WHAT IS THAT oh ok it's your brain but its RED because i put food coloring on it. haha. whos laughing now? you cant really run away now your brain favors me more. now youre like ughhhh hoylecake come on this is stupid and i know i know!!!!! nah your brain is RED DUDE CMON brains are supposed to be pink SNAP OUT OF IT YOU IDIOT. COME ON. it's just food coloring. its all your fault. you say. but i turn around and say. I KNOWWWW!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AND IT's FUNNY because it's frustrating them. that's what makes it amazing, "GRRRRRR!!!" coming from their mouth FUMING ughhhhhh dude.......this is all in my head.... but that's fine because im gonna keep this up until i want to go to sleep or when i feel sympathy... um........ but i cant really make a red brain pink.. cant i?? the chemistry here is REAL BOYS. COME INSIDE. COME InSIDE AND WATCH MY MAGIC these SLICK magic TRICKS are nothing for you sLEAZE eyes HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA look at this. GET A LOAD OF THIS. just look at me i look like a trickster dont i? haha. i'ts quite a rare occurence but ssoon youll see. i am the trickster. i am the colossal tricskter. prepare to be at my wrath of silly pranks and letdowns. there is no mercy from my gone too far pranks and jokes that nobody likes. whos laughing now? i am thats for sure 9/27/2020 1:04:18