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It's Not A Phase

9 AM

So, I don't know if all you 1,052 people could tell, but recently my homepage has undergone a complete redesign and I have shifted my focus to the more personal side of my website. This means /home/ and it's subpages will no longer be updated, including the chat. If you have anything you want me to hear please say so on my Neocities profile.

With this change comes emo kawaii like you've never seen it before. Kuromi everywhere. I have a post explaining this on my new side blog. But unfortunately I've also been hit pretty hard in the face with depression, it sucks. I've never really been "depressed" so much as I've been trying to be edgy so I set my expectations for depression really low. Hm.

The main problem is that, well, the main causes of this depression that I hope won't persist during Christmas are totally unknown to me, and the ones that aren't unknown are just too stupid and embarrassing to talk about. No, really. I can't talk about them. So I'm just sort of here on my own with this one. And I do realize that almost no one reads these or has the time to read these. Just to clarify I write these because I like typing random things on a black background.

So, moral of the story is, depression sucks and everything that comes with it sucks too. Like seriously I wish I could explain how much this has impacted everything I see negatively but I can't for the life of me.

12 PM

Oh my god today has been horrible so far. Okay so I lost on the first round of the spelling bee from the word "BOW" which I spelt as "BAU" ???????? I have NO IDEA what was going through my head and to be fair had I won in the first place I probably would have only gotten bragging rights. I might have above average intelligence but my ability to spell words no one ever uses and no one knows about today is below average at most.

I've also run into a plethora of problems that aren't getting better and are actually just getting worse. I'm excited for what the day brings. Realllly excited. I don't know why life keeps torturing me and I know everyone says it's unfair but this is too unfair. Not as unfair as spelling bees, though. I hate my lifeeeee.